post card to my long ,lost lover ..

OH my dear Non..

I tried to pullout a rock that was between us. Never knew you only needed a small rock to create the distance between us. And that rock created a hole which was between us. Then I felt like I was stuck. The path that led to you just crumbled right from the edge of my toe. And there was nothing beyond my toe. I could see you but i couldnt reach you. I filled the air crying out your name but you could only hear her sweet voice's sing. I looked at you , I cried out loud for you , I tried to reached out to you but you only went away to hear her sing. Was her voice sweeter than my cry of pain? When I saw her I couldn't see your face , it was just covered with your kisses of lie and unfaithfulness. And I look at my myself i couldn't see my face it was covered with your spit of laugh of yours and hers togetherness.. I should have seen this coming because I saw you together that evening. Oh yes! I did spy on you why wont I do. I missed you and went to the fortune teller to know if you missed me too. With an warm excitement I asked the fortune teller if he missed me too. The fortune teller went silent and gave me a crystal ball to look through. And I saw gimps of you two. My heart sank and it sank like a falling dove shout by gun not knowing where it would land. But I acted like an actor to see how you act as an actor to see who acts better.

It is not right to walk forward to walk backward . why would you tangle me in your crazy patter of walking backward. They say it ,they say it right "only fools rush in " we three were the fools rushing in. Never knew how other is feeling. It was easy for you getting everything wanted to do, but we two , I bet only we two knew the pain of losing you.

Oh !! I cant tell you how hard it was to let you go. Everyday I was punished ,everyday I cried and everyday I saw new scars running down like streams making sea ocean of pain collected as it is going to overflow.



And now I don't remember your love because there was no love from you. But I do remember the pain , the pain I got for truly loving you. I never held you tightly , but I was never lose . It always felt like you had a secret needle inside , when ever I
tried to hold you tight you would poke me try to push me away. Every thousand times I hug you tightly It hurt , and every thousand times I cried when you held. May be that was god trying to tell me the truth. You are a loser to me and you were a loser to her . I know I desire better , I know she desires better . You were a lair , you are a lair even you can't deny it. You lied to her you didn't love her anymore , you lied to me you will always love me. And you twisted it to your benefit and said you didn't love me anymore, you will always love her. For your own benefit you yourself stepped down on your knees and show me your dirty face you had be hiding.

now I say to you, don't step forward because she wouldn't be waiting for you to return backward. Don't be seen with someone else ,always be alone missing her like I  always wanted to be missed. Don't twist her and don't tangle her with your worthless shitty worlds because god can only forgive you twice. Be the better man that she desires If you didn't I bet there be thousands of guys waiting for their turn. And yes !! As for it wont matter if I go to hell or heaven ..                                                  with love ...... so and so

Light me uP

The four awful things

• I know everything thing about her ,Yet a day comes and I have to take my turn and greet her formally like a stranger . And I can hear every one's mind saying she is no longer the person you used to know. 
• Those familiar brown eyes which only saw my innocence  in every naughtiness i play, changed into finding faults and doubting everything i say.
• loyalty and loving service , One unlucky day and It was busy calculating the damage i cause . Never expected anything from it but Never thought it won't even get over from the spot filled with it's own worries of farther risk and loss. Even unseeing the presents of pain and the hurt.
• the stubborn , esteemed ,egoist and the big I , breaking down in a single week of unpredictable life

Friend ,family,love and myself all messed up.But i couldn't just sit there and do nothing so, I went to her, told her what i felt And she said "stupid i won't change at all , Once this crazy things is over i would be back to myself ) and that really contented my scared heart. About those eyes , I am still being watched with utter most fear and doubts but i act like i don't really care. That loyalty and service didn't earn much of concern so , it was better for me to quit right that moment . As for myself,, i got awesome and supper refreshing break for my life . Five continues days of waking up early , being busy all day , and falling sleep without thinking about anything . Lived a different life . Peaceful place , funny and talkative monks , bossy boss, my busy sister running here and there , eating the same lunch for dinner, being serve tea every two hour ,  understanding more about the culture , feeling appreciated for my efforts and those lights of lights has just light me up      

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drink some tea to refresh my tired mind

Wish i can float freely like these clouds 

My city of lights Kathmandu

caught my eye when i was waiting for my ride back home 

Pray for me too

We all need some break

Loneliness 

wake up early in the morning 

Stayed a night in one of these rooms . 

feel relaxed whenever i pass through these place  

my Favorite Over sized white shirt and black converse   

ThestubbornQueen

The white thing

 The recent  Haute couture Was the most  admired and the most inspiring for me. Inspired by that i tried to do something myself and My mother gave me this lovely white cloth to play with . She knows what i really want and need .So thankful to her. i love my mummy  so much.
 So, With my old  sewing machine  i made this maxi skirt . Well! i always have hard time with the measurement and problems . But somehow i did it . YEAH !! 

the white cloth that my mother gave .

WIP . It was too simple so ,i added little white shinny  things.  

This is how it really looks

ThestubbornQueen

From my brother 's closet

 Tokyo laundry shirt / black jeans / all star shoes  

 Do you ever feel like you have nothing to wear even though tons of clothes are there in the closet ? This always happens to me . Even though my closet is loaded with clothes Sometimes i feel like i don't have anything to wear . But luckily i  always have a " plan B". My brother's closet. I have been wearing my brother's clothes since the history . NO wonder I am such a tomboy like. They don't really mind sharing. Shoes , shorts , shirts anything . My brothers are so nice and sometimes very irritating too  ;) But it is a great feeling when you can sneak in and get something nice to wear without all the fights and arguments. So , this is " Tokyo laundry - faded jean shirt  from my Brother's closet .