Light me uP

The four awful things

• I know everything thing about her ,Yet a day comes and I have to take my turn and greet her formally like a stranger . And I can hear every one's mind saying she is no longer the person you used to know. 
• Those familiar brown eyes which only saw my innocence  in every naughtiness i play, changed into finding faults and doubting everything i say.
• loyalty and loving service , One unlucky day and It was busy calculating the damage i cause . Never expected anything from it but Never thought it won't even get over from the spot filled with it's own worries of farther risk and loss. Even unseeing the presents of pain and the hurt.
• the stubborn , esteemed ,egoist and the big I , breaking down in a single week of unpredictable life

Friend ,family,love and myself all messed up.But i couldn't just sit there and do nothing so, I went to her, told her what i felt And she said "stupid i won't change at all , Once this crazy things is over i would be back to myself ) and that really contented my scared heart. About those eyes , I am still being watched with utter most fear and doubts but i act like i don't really care. That loyalty and service didn't earn much of concern so , it was better for me to quit right that moment . As for myself,, i got awesome and supper refreshing break for my life . Five continues days of waking up early , being busy all day , and falling sleep without thinking about anything . Lived a different life . Peaceful place , funny and talkative monks , bossy boss, my busy sister running here and there , eating the same lunch for dinner, being serve tea every two hour ,  understanding more about the culture , feeling appreciated for my efforts and those lights of lights has just light me up      

t

drink some tea to refresh my tired mind

Wish i can float freely like these clouds 

My city of lights Kathmandu

caught my eye when i was waiting for my ride back home 

Pray for me too

We all need some break

Loneliness 

wake up early in the morning 

Stayed a night in one of these rooms . 

feel relaxed whenever i pass through these place  

my Favorite Over sized white shirt and black converse   

ThestubbornQueen

And there he goess ...

What could be more heart breaking than losing a precious thing ?


I feel  there is a thing which is more precious than world's precious diamond ring, more tender than the touch of a feather , and more beautiful than the first bloom of flower . And when you lose that thing what would you do ? The most precious , the most tender and the most beautiful.
Even though i lost it , seems like i can grab it and get it back . But I can't . what can a hopeless  person possibly do if it don't really wants you? The tears wont do the trick and a broken heart that no one can fix . It is like you can want it but you can never get it .And if you ask me how does that feel?? I may say. That doesn't hurt and that doesn't pain . The hurt and the pain can hide under the sunny day but when the darkness  over takes i have no place to hide and no place to stow away. Dark and lonely , regret and sorrow what else is there to feel when it can only be so shallow. They only said it is hard to let it go but they never warned me that it would be more harder to see someone letting you go .
    Now smiling with my unwilling heart , gathered all my broken parts. I may set off for a new start.

And there he goes ........

I had you in my hands. Now i need you in my arms

 Excited and nerves, that is what you feel when you see a new born baby. So tiny and fragile that you will hold the baby like the most precious thing in the whole wide world . And why not ? They are the most precious thing in the world .
                                     My nephew means the world to me .The first experience. He was so tiny that he could fit in my two hands .When i first saw him i thought , His innocent eyes could melt anyone , his smile can bring thousands of happiness and  his cries could tear anyone down . Indeed the most precious thing in the whole wide world. He was so soft and adorable that, I could feel the soft skin on my lips as i kissed him on his cheeks . those tiny little hands holding my finger like he is saying not to leave him, and his beautiful tiny feet always made me want to touch them. He was too adorable.  And as the time passed by , i saw him going through everything .I saw him grow. From the first time he came in my life ,till the last time he said goodbye. I was always there cautiously watching him as he made his moves.  I admit that i wasn't the best aunt , sometimes i was too lazy and sometimes i had my own things to do but i tried my best to be my best for this little guy. I played so many roles ,I followed him around as his assistant  , looked after him as his nanny , played games as his friend , protected him as his bodyguard and most of all  i love him as i am his mother. hmm i think little less i guess;)
Now that he is all grown up and far away , i wonder if he misses me as much as i do.And wait for the day when i will be able to hug him and say i missed you.

that innocent little eyes always melts my heart 

from the naughty smile to the irritating tantrums, saw it all

I loved to dress him up like a girls . he always looks so cute

Enjoyed my time dressing him up

the first hair cut ! we all were so excited 

The first day of his school , he cried and made me cry too

The last photo that i took ! he was all ready to go .

All grown up now .

kisses to everyone  <3

NOW AND THEN

         Days pass , months roll and years gone by. Time passes us so fast that sometimes its really hard to believe it. Some times hard to accept  it too .When I look back to then , I see those fun days when i had nothing to do with anything .No need to worry about anyone and anything .Just had my head on fun and games . No words were that powerful to hurt me ,neither I cared for it, Nor understood the intention . Being a kid is the most amazing thing in the whole wide world . whenever I see those careless kids ,running around like rebels just makes me regret growing old .

                              Coming  back to now , I really feel growing up isn't that easy . You have hundreds of things to be done ,thousands  of things to be understood , millions of expectation to live up and billions of feeling to be felt . What ever we took for ease and granted , are now the essential parts of life and What we thought was the Big thing now seems so stupid and funny. Its amazing that we change every second of our own life and We are no longer the person we used to be. Before, as a kid we all had a focused mind But now its out of focus,all the time we have to see the whole picture, even the smallest details matters in a big way. Strange feelings and funny awkwardness always surrounds us every time we try to do what we used to do. We are no longer able to do those things with a ease ,comfort and carelessness like we used to. Its actually irritating  for me when I have to be understanding ,mature and most of all A GROWN UP. Because I always have hard time doing what I really want to do. Now shopping for expensive things is a guilt because  I have seen those long bills of groceries ,going out with friends feel strange because i am leaving my house lonely , gossiping on the phone feels awkward because on the other side my mother would be doing the chores . Each and every time I try to do something, I think about it, ten times. And I just can't help it . I don't want to but I have to. Hope i am not the only one doing this.
        well ! Like they say BEING YOUNG IS NOT EASY and those fun days of my childhood would never return  again.. All thanks to the fact called TIME.

                                                              TIME IS A FUNNY THING

NOW

THEN

I want TO bE a bookworm .

BOOKS

Yesterday i saw an old man on a bench reading his book . Not caring about the world passing by . Not even once he blinked his eyes . I wanted to  ask him what he was reading ,but that would be too selfish, To distract him from the world he was in. Because i know how it feels to get into the world of  the words . Taking you to  places that might not even exist , that might not even be for real. Reading is like going to places without any tension and problems .Drifting from one place to another with the words . 

                                                                       

                           WELL!!! books were not my thing , I  thought it was a boring way to pass the time ,  I rather open the laptop and chat with my friends ,or play fun games on my I-touch or the PSP ,instead of being a bookworm . BUT when i was in India for a short time ,i bought myself a book (old path white clouds )as a souvenir . And when i came back i started reading .YES ! IT was boring at first,  sitting in for a long time. I even took four days to complete a single chapter lol .  BUT AS the chapter went from 1 to 2 to 3 , it was getting more and more interesting . Now i try to complete at  least  2 chapters once i start reading it .IT is a great hide away from all the unnecessary thoughts and worries . And the real magic of  books is that it will clear your mind  , misconception , doubts and mainly makes you wiser 

OLD PATH WHITE  CLOUDS. This book is about the BUDDHA and His deeds .

 My book shelf 

I like to sing this book rather than reading it    .. awesome 

This one is to guide you  how deal with the changes in your work and life .. 

The art of happiness at work 

Brida and  The inheritance of loss 

men are from mars women are from venus .. hmmm not Grown up for this one  lol :P

IF you are reading for the first time , make sure you have the right book to start with.It should be very interesting , it should be simple , and most important, it should be about your interest Or else you will get bored and feel like not reading anything else . So go to a book store and tell the store keeper your interest and say  you want the best seller .Make sure you enjoy what you read :p

Realizing

So glad to be back in Nepal , But had a fun time in India (gaya) as well.....visiting places where once Buddha walked with his disciples and waiting in a line just to see shades  of HIS HOLINESS .Memories to be remembered . NOw back to business
                REALIZING
 We often forget to realize what our deeds does to another person .which mostly resulting to anger ,jealousy ,sadness and often pain. We human ,animal and other being are always connected by a chain which is invisible unless we have the greatest power to realize ,those who obtains this powers are the most selfless and kind beings, worshiped and admired by all .
                  Most of the time we are under the evil spell of selfishness and greed,that makes us unable to think about the others and how our deeds are affecting another being . I think people are so into proving that the present is really a kalyug , Rather than changing oneself for other being and a better future . Just like Buddha. BUDDHA didn't abandon his life of luxury and became a monk to seek the path of enlightenment just for himself or his earthly suffering .he did it to show the path of  liberation for all beings. selfless indeed. Just because he saw and realize the earthly suffering like birth ,sickness ,old age , and death needed to be demolished, he seek the path .But what surprises me is that even we have seen and experienced those sufferings like he did ,still why are we under the spell ? why are we yet to realize the result of our violence, hatred  and anger towards other even when we know what it feels to suffer ?
                                well we do live in a very busy and materialistic world  But that is not reason to be selfish  and forget about other's feelings and pains ..So be compassionate and be caring <3
 
There are some clicks of my journey to INDIA
                                     

the large screen 

lighting candles for peace 

Ray of sun (no photoshop)

cute couple resting aww cute

sunshine

throwing khata (white scarf ) for goodluck

Thupten choeling  monks and nuns praying for swift return of TRULSHIK RINPOCHE 

BODH GAYA 

beauty 

my ET nephew 

stone stupa  for goodluck

they call it school

Buddha  alive lol  

playing like kids 

making my own stupa

Lumbini  

 an artist supporting Tibetans by his art   

thank you <3